Day 1
Have arrived at St. Helena, my latest conquest. Decide to stay for a while until I deem it convenient to leave. Am staying with British family until house is finished. Balcomes or something; English names are so silly. Young daughter Betsy is a witty creature. Have made her a general.

Day 4
Met the governor today. Stingy bugger by the name of Sir Hudson Lowe. Hate him already.

Day 19
House done. Brits insisted on escorting me there. Think I am going to run away on island. Honestly.

Day 21
Governor Lowe is a vile man. Am being cruelly mistreated. Seventeen bottles of wine a day is hardly enough for me and my staff. Brits obviously can't take their liquor. On a lighter note, have discovered a most excellent lookout point for defensive structures. Construction of naval towers will begin shortly.

Day 46
General Betsy does not know as much about engineering as I thought her to. My defensive tower is far behind schedule, due to poor local leadership. I shall have the head of whomever decided to arm the tower with coconut slingshots instead of fine Parisian cannon. Have begun plans for a guillotine.

Day 47
Have abandoned guillotine idea. Tossing off cliff will suffice.

Day 49
Lowe has intervened in a most disagreeable way, revoking my rights of ordering summary executions of my own officers. Am planning coup.

Day 50
Have abandoned coup idea. Wine was most excellent yesterday.

Day 54
If Lowe calls me "General" one more time instead of "your Majesty", I shall complain a great deal more about it. Man has no respect for authority. Saw a rat; how dreadful.

Day 62
Have begun construction of raft, for scouting purposes, of course. Must be able to travel 2000 kilometres per trip and have enough cargo room for wine for a similar distance.

Day 74
Raft nearly complete. Have made modifications for the possibility of naval mines; have drilled multiple viewing holes in the bottom in order to warn of impending munitions. My first scouting trip begins tomorrow.

Day 76
Raft sunk inexplicably. Am still drying off. Blasted seaweed in my hair. Brits are laughing. Buggers.

Day 89
Everyone claims that I've been here for nearly six years now. Really, they must all be drunk. Every time I wake up, there are a great deal more empty wine bottles around than when I fell asleep. Will complain to Lowe about incompetent staff.

Day 90
Bugger Lowe never does listen to me. Am seeing more and more rats every day; one nibbled my ear and woke me up! Will ask Lowe for arsenic to kill them all. Maybe tomorrow; wine is quite good.

Day 93
Lowe smiled oddly when I asked for arsenic. He gave me a great deal of it. Obviously has no love for rats. We have that alone in common.

Day 95
Arsenic has been liberally distributed throughout the house. Have even put some in the wine in case bugger rats get thirsty.

Day 97
Staff dying inexplicably. Wine most excellent today.

Day 99
Rats are gone. Staff is gone. Must get off this island soon. Perhaps tomorrow. Am so very tired.